Alone in my Mind
by SpidersBlood
Summary: This is a series regarding Ryou. He’s pondering something alone, with only a few he can open up to. It's complicated, and it's no longer a one shot - it may even become longer than my first. I still don't know the outcome. Yaoi. RxB.
1. Alone

**Summary:**

_This is a short one-shot regarding Ryou. He's pondering something alone, with only a few he can open up to. Yaoi. RxB._

**Author's notes:**

I kinda wrote this in the middle of the last chapter for another fanfic. Sorry, but I had this idea, and wrote it down at random…

**Alone in my mind**

I glared at the phone. My friends are so weird… Well, they aren't, but I am. And they can't accept it. At least I can trust Mali. He sort of knows how I feel – being in love with his Yami and all. It's still frustrating that even Anzu is disgusted with me.

Yes, I'm gay… I'm hardly even gay! I'm more like bisexual. I see plenty of cute girls – but I have a main interest in a guy…

_And_ I'm no the only one I know of! Malik is just the same! So is Yugi! But I'm the only one to have admitted it. They're too afraid. Who can blame them? I'm being treated as if I'm some sort of alien! The group (Anzu, Jonouchi and Honda) is being nice to me… too nice, though. They're laughing at things they don't normally laugh at. And when I 'm not there, Yugi says that they seem annoyed at the very mention of me.

Malik and I were laughing at the thought of him telling the group that Malik was bi, too. They'd probably lose their heads! Surely, they can't hate both of us! They'd have to accept it. Malik was still unsure, though, only to burst out laughing at the thought of _Yugi_ telling them that he was bi as well as Malik. Anzu's expression would be priceless.

"But then again," Malik pointed out, "She was in love with him a long time ago, she's still in love with him, and probably always will be in love with him. It wouldn't make a difference to her if he was bi…" I made Malik promise not to say anything about Yugi, because he trusted me with this information, and I didn't tell him about Malik.

So there I was, questioning and hating my life.

But then, _he_ walked into the house. I stood up from my chair and left my room. He never greeted me first, I always had to say hi first. If I was lucky, he would seem excited to see me. Sometimes he would hug me! He had no idea how much that meant to me. He'd also say goodnight with a 100 genuine smile on his face. Whenever he did that, I would sigh with happiness.

I sighed just thinking about him… The way he talked, his imagination, his life basically fascinates me. But he never tells me much about his life… I don't think he trusts me with that information. I don't know much about where he lived… Egypt… pretty vague… I don't even think I know his real name! He adopted his name in the past few years. People didn't really bother with his real name…

"Bakura?" I called, "Are you there?"

_"Aewa,"_ he said simply. It was Arabic for "yes".

I frowned. I didn't mean to frown so quickly, but I was just disappointed. He didn't seem to care at all that I was there. Maybe I had done something that annoyed him? Maybe he was in a bad mood? I didn't want to ask – I don't like to seem nosey. I'm sure he'd tell me if he needed to tell someone.

"How are you?" I asked, following him into the kitchen. I tried to keep the cheerful-Ryou-face up.

He took an apple out of the 'fridge.

"I'll be right back; I'm going over to Marik's."

He left me at that. He walked out of the house without any further explanation.

I don't know what to make of it. I had already told him I was bi. He gave me a funny face, telling me that it was a random statement. I assumed that he didn't swing that way and didn't want to know that about me. I left it at that. Since then he's been friendly with me – not fake like the group, though. I didn't tell him how I felt about him, though. I get too nervous. It's my little secret that I buried inside me, only sharing with my best friend. I guess I'm just going to have to wait.

**End.**

**Author's Notes:**

Well, that's that. I'll get back to _Independence,_ now. Please review and tell me what you think. I'm sorry there's not a happier ending, but that's the way life is (in my opinion).


	2. Still Waiting

**Summary:**

_This is a short one-shot regarding Ryou. He's pondering something alone, with only a few he can open up to. Yaoi. RxB._

**Author's notes:**

Well, I guess it really isn't a one shot, anymore. XD I just feel like writing more about this. I just noticed that in the first chapter I wrote "Mali" instead of "Malik". Maybe I'll change that later.

**Chapter Two:**

It's been about half a week since Bakura left for Marik's. (He came back within the next few hours, of course.) The rest of that day he remained kind of distant to me. I didn't want to bother him, so I tried to refrain from talking too much around him. (No hugs, that night.)

But I've been so busy since it happened that I haven't spent much time around him. I've either had too much homework, so I couldn't talk, or I've been going over to Yugi and Malik's house. I need to spend time with them. Sometimes I feel so obsessed with my yami, that I'm afraid that I'm just going to confess my feelings to him right then and there.

I remember telling how sorry I was the last day I left for Yugi's house…

"Gomen no sai! Gomen no sai! Gomen…"

"It's alright." He brushed it off and left the room. He didn't seem to care. I should've been happy that he was OK with me not being home much anymore, but I didn't. I wanted him to care that I was going. I still felt bad for leaving, but I wished that he was more upset.

"So, we're not going to watch a movie, then?" he asked, still in the other room.

Aha! He _does_ have some remorse!

"No, I'm sorry."

"OK…"

… Or he just wanted to watch the movie…

After that, I just walked over to the Kame Game Shop.

When I arrived, Malik hugged me. That wasn't unusual. But then _Anzu_ came and hugged me. Huh. I guess she's gotten over the shock of me being bi?

Still, if _she_ was here, I wasn't going to talk to Malik or Yugi about Bakura. I didn't trust her with that information. I found Yugi at the front counter of the shop, looking at some new cards with Jounouchi and Honda. I walked over to say hi.

"Hey, Ryou!" Yugi chirped. The other two just sort of looked at me and said "Hi, Ryou," as if my presence couldn't mean any less to them.

That was it. I wasn't going to try to be friendly towards them. If they wanted to talk to me, they could just start treating me like I mattered.

"Hey, let's move into the living room," Yugi suggested. They all started to walk into another room, so I followed, without saying a word.

I sat at the end of the couch, beside Malik. They were all engaged in their own conversation. I realized that I had nothing of any interest to any of them. When they were all together, it was different than when I spent time with them individually. I felt like a loser. They've all taken turns to call me one, even if it was only a joke. I know that I am one. I mean – I don't do anything that they do. I don't become obsessed with music bands, even though I am obsessed with music. I memorize movie lines and facts about Egypt (I became interested in Egypt because of my father). Apparently, that's uncool, so I've been named a loser.

Rational or irrational, this is what I believe.

And I bet they'd be offended if they found out that this was what I believed. They'd expect me to be completely confident and to be able to take a joke. I could see the friendship-loving Anzu completely denying and contradicting herself to take the blame off of her. So, I would never tell them this directly.

Even Malik and Yugi changed around them. They had the same interests as them, so they could get along with them all the time, so long as they kept their sexual orientation a secret.

That bothered me. Why were they so tolerant of them if they'd be outcast just like me in a second if they told the truth? If Yugi said "I'm bi," you can bet that he'd be treated differently. It's just that he won't admit such a thing.

Once again, I can't blame him for that. But still, I hate being alone like this.

I don't want Malik or Yugi to think I'm mad at them, because they really are there for me, but I don't want to hang around them if they're around the rest of the group as well.

I realized that I had been thinking about this the whole time at Yugi's, and Malik's only included me in the conversation for as long as Anzu will allow it. Whenever I get a say, the conversation somehow changes to something I don't understand, so I'm forced to say nothing again.

I stood up. The group looked at me with intriguing eyes.

"I'm leaving. I realized that I have some stuff I have to do around the house, and besides, Bakura will be missing me."

I saw Jounouchi and Honda snicker. Did they think that I was in love with Bakura – err, did they _know?_ Well, they were snickering at me for one reason or another.

Malik grabbed my arm. "Wait, can't you stay?"

No one else seemed to care.

"No."

I pulled away from Malik and left the room. I was never coming back. I wouldn't hang out with them again. Not if Jounouchi, Anzu and Honda were there. I didn't want to feel alone again. I wanted to be with people who shared the same interests as me…

People like Bakura…

Thinking of him made my pace quicken. It made me feel better to know that I was returning to him – I felt more secure about myself, I felt hopeful, I felt overjoyed.

I knew that Bakura didn't think I was a loser, because we both shared a mutual love for Egypt. And he couldn't judge me for my looks because he was almost a clone of me, excluding his wilder hair and his red eyes contrasting to my emerald green ones. (He also seemed to be taller than me – but I figured that if I grew a spine and stood as confident as he did we'd be the same height.)

In this way, I also couldn't judge him for his looks. For once, there was a relationship that could only be based on our words and actions (even if he didn't feel the same way about me.)…

I continued to rush home until I arrived at the door. I waited until my breathing returned to normal – not wanting to appear out of breath.

"Hello? Bakura?" Pushing open the door, I called out to him. Only once, though. Bakura's never been really annoyed with me, but I wouldn't want to start irritating him now.

Bakura poked his head around the corner. "Hey!" He walked up to me and hugged me. I held my breath tot stop myself from gasping, and then I hugged him back.

As he pulled away, I said "I'm back early."

"I can see that," he replied, smiling casually. Not too excited, not too happy… "Do you want to watch the movie?"

I nodded and went to set up the movie he had chosen out – he wouldn't remember how to work it.

I guess he was mostly happy about finally watching the movie, not about me being home. At first, I was kind of unhappy, but as we sat together and watched the movie, I became OK with it.

It wasn't my kind of movie – we watched _I am Legend_. (A/N: Love that movie!) It freaked me out more than anything. I liked the overall meaning of it, but couldn't it have been less creepy?

Bakura and I enjoyed watching it, though. We pointed out things that didn't make sense or things we found funny…

I decided that even if he didn't feel the same about me, I could still enjoy my time with him… at least, until I grew the courage to tell him.

But if I told him, he would have to make a decision: either to accept it or to avoid it. I doubt he would appreciate it.

**Author's Notes:**

My favourite being the magic drawer which held everything that ever there was on the planet inside.

I'm sorry that it's taking me so long to type out a worthless fanfic that nobody wants me to finish anyway… And I'm also sorry that my chapters are not very eventful. They're exciting to _me_. XD

It's like that exciting time when a lady nearly stepped on a snail!

_Well, that's not very exciting._

It was exciting to the snail!

Should I continue this series? Review:O


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